Though science and faith commonly are misperceived as being in conflict, very often they clearly ring in harmony. Such is the case with Harvard’s 80-year scientific study of health and happiness1 and Jesus’ teachings found in the Bible.
The Bible (Mark 12:28-31) records an encounter in which Jesus is asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” His answer, love God and love your neighbor as yourself, indicates three primary expressions of love—love of God, love of neighbor, and—by way of explaining how to love our neighbor—love of self. Put another way, Jesus says that the overarching, organizational principle for our lives should be how we do three primary relationships—with God, with self, with others.
Two thousand years later, Harvard researchers asked “What is it that makes us happy and healthy as we go through life?” In the longest scientific study of its kind on happiness, they have found that it isn’t money, fame, or career success. Instead, their findings echo the wisdom of Jesus’ teaching. Their conclusion: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
Robert Waldinger, the current director of this Harvard study, is spot on when he says that this wisdom is “as old as the hills.” The Harvard science indeed echoes the wisdom found in the Bible. He’s also right when he describes relationships as messy and complicated. No wonder Jesus provided a framework for having good relationships.
Those three primary relationships of love identified by Jesus—with God, with self, with others—are like three legs of a stool providing balance and stability. In the case of relationships, loving others in healthy ways with good boundaries is difficult without love of self. And lack of self-love can be downright destructive and unhealthy. Too much love of self, on the other hand, can manifest as arrogance or selfishness and be destructive in its own way. Knowing God’s love for us can help us practice self-love that is simultaneously empowering and humbling. And once we truly know God’s love for us, then we know God’s love for all persons and understand that being loved means we are called to love as God loves.
Toward the end of his presentation Waldinger ventures beyond the boundary of science to discuss what leaning into relationships might look like. I find it noteworthy that his suggestions—letting go of old grievances, reconciling, repairing relationships—align with the central tenets of Christian faith—forgiveness, reconciliation, and restoration. That’s worth pondering.
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References
1TEDx Talks. (2015, November 13). The Good Life | Robert Waldinger | TEDxBeaconStreet [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-7zAkwAOYg